


Rewrite

by suchirolle



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non-Linear Narrative, Panic Attacks, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 08:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22345546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchirolle/pseuds/suchirolle
Summary: It was just a simple lie.But to Jisung, it was his truth.It was everything he could ever wish for.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 11
Kudos: 50





	Rewrite

**Author's Note:**

> (pops a party popper) it's baby's first stray kids fanfic! yay!
> 
> this is actually a rewrite of an old fic of mine from years ago - it was terribly written and had a first person pov with verb tenses that didn't make any sense so please don't ask for it - but if the plot rings familiar to you , maybe that's why. one thing that i had planned before was a sequel for the story, but i never got to write it back then so perhaps if i'm feeling bold, i might write it. (no promises though)
> 
> \--
> 
> also, thank you so much for [bitsori](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsori) for helping me beta this! i definitely needed that extra help TT

▪️▪️▪️▫️▫️▫️

_Lies are bittersweet _, Jisung thought. 

He looks down at the loose polaroids scattered disorganized beneath their feet. Eyes trailing on each memory like a game of connect-the-dots until it lands on the photobook Jisung threw away in an outburst, laying open face down on the hardwood floor, concealing their happy memories within it. He shifts his weight to one side as his body readies to run away. Guilt flowing through his veins in silent monotony while his hands becoming numb from the panic that takes over him.

His eyes meeting everywhere but _ him _. 

_ Him _ who looks back in question. _ Him _ whose face stays unreadable despite the overflow of worry seeping through the edges. _ Him _who is Jisung’s everything- because Minho _is_ his everything.

“Hanie? Are you ok?”

Minho reaches a hand to his shoulder, the touch burns through his skin. Jisung tries to control his breathing, his mind racing through the countless lies he had written, every page of the book he had created filled with false memories. A book in which they were lovers instead of just friends; in which there were no witness of Minho’s romance with the woman Jisung despised, yet _ envied _, because she held Minho’s lips as hers. A book in which Jisung had hidden away deep in his heart, only for its locked chains to be yanked apart years later from a single name.

“Hanie…” 

He could hear the worry echo in Minho’s words as the older takes one step closer, both of their breaths becoming hushed yet painfully loud inside their quiet home. _ Their _home. Jisung steps back but Minho manages to easily trap him in his arms. The embrace churning the guilt inside him even further.

“Look...I don’t know what’s happening but...you know I love you.”

Jisung looks at him with tears pooling at the corner of his eyes. A familiar feeling of distress settles in his guts, making him unable to answer. Jisung knows he is looking at the man he loves, but the fear of his own lies currently cloud the view in front of him. The book inside his heart threatening to reveal memories that Jisung had long tried so hard to rewrite. And he did. He managed to change his lies into Minho's truth.

However, feelings are unpredictable. 

It was already too late when Jisung realized his heart had yearned for Minho. He had locked up his feelings as soon as he became aware of it, because Minho’s heart already belonged to _ her_.

_Her _ who held Minho’s heart like a medal. _ Her _who proudly held Minho’s hands in front of others, while Jisung secretly clasped his own to pray his impure feelings away in despair. 

Yet, Jisung continued to paint false happiness on his face. He carefully replaced his real thoughts with words of congratulations and forced empty praises towards the two - because he was a loyal friend, if nothing else. He was the friend Minho turned to when arguments took the place of their kisses. He was the friend that helped Minho put the colours back when his world had turned to gray. He was the friend that stayed beside Minho when she left him, only for Minho to welcome her back into his arms the next day without question. 

Because feelings are difficult to control.

Each night, Jisung so desperately wished to sever the red thread that bound the couple together. But that was all it was, a hopeless wish. He let his heart shatter repeatedly every time he witnessed Minho shower her with the kind of love that Jisung had so selfishly wanted for himself. The shards of his broken heart pierced a cut inside him every time Minho kissed her lips instead of his. 

He was bleeding from the inside.

He knew Minho would never look his way, yet his heart continued to foolishly yearn for his friend. His lips, his eyes which Jisung loves. His morning cuddles, and his voice that sang lullabies as Jisung peacefully slept on his lap. His hair, his smile, his arms as he wrapped Jisung in a tight embrace when they mourned for the death of his family dog. Yet, they were never his. So with each passing day, Jisung resolved to suffocate his love for Minho; though the heartache was already deep and gaping no matter how much he tried to fix it.

“I…..I’m sorr…ee.”

Words choking in his throat, Jisung jerks away fiercely from Minho’s warmth, biting his tongue in the process. Minho desperately tries to pull him back but he seems to hesitate when Jisung cowers from his touch.

The book Jisung had kept tucked away inside his heart now fully open, its pages of lies being torn with bare hands, exposing the truth deeply hidden from the sunlight. His foot takes another step back, and then he runs.

▪️▪️▪️▫️▫️▫️

The present blurs into his memories, his body remembering the ache he felt back then - both in body and in heart.

On the day Jisung had resolved to finally let his love go, his phone rang with the news. Minho was with her when they drove past a red light, hitting a delivery truck at full speed. Innocent bystanders became casualties, but the couple had taken the most of the impact.

The world took her life while they saved his.

Jisung ran until his lungs gave out. His heart pounded with grief and worry, then not knowing what fate Minho had yet. The city stared back at him with judgement in its eyes, colours blended into mosaic as his tears blinded him. Jisung ran harder, not caring for the people he shoved past, only wanting to get to Minho’s side faster. 

Pushing past the doors of the hospital room, his stomach churned at the sight of him on the bed, sleeping peacefully among the sterile white environment. Minho’s family cried heavy tears both in sorrow and relief that their only son had survived, but Jisung consciously held back in front of them. He reminded himself that he was just a friend. _Just_ _a friend._

He stood back, embracing his small frame in fear that his body would crave to hold Minho then; and so Jisung stayed.

On most days, Minho slept peacefully for what felt like forever. Despite his unresponsiveness, everyday Jisung visited him wearing a pained smile and talked about everything he could think of, desperately clinging onto a tiny sliver of hope that Minho would respond to him with more than a quiet breath.

When Minho’s parents came in to visit their son, they never mentioned to Jisung how they knew he would stay inside the cold hospital room for hours, only remembering to eat when they offer him a meal. They never mentioned how they would find him sitting vulnerable, his upper body curled up and laid beside their son, with tears visibly dried on his face and dark circles underneath his eyes. On those days, Jisung would wake up with a warm blanket draped around his shoulders and a quiet gratitude or a reminder to take care of himself._ ‘We already lost one son, we don’t want to lose you too.’ _ they would tell him with anguish buried in their words.

He was alone with Minho when his friend opened his eyes again, panic clearly written on his face. Questions flooded the room as Minho's memories escaped through his fingertips and he held onto Jisung for answers, clutching tightly onto his sleeves. Jisung’s heart raced and in one sentence, he started the lie.

“I am your lover.”

Silence. Jisung stood on a tightrope while he waited for a response, but Minho simply nodded and asked him for memories of them together. The lies flowed through Jisung’s mouth like honey. The words carefully rewritten, and her name replaced with his own. Minho believed him without hesitation. 

Days passed and then months turned into years. The lies filled a book inside him. Not long after Minho recovered, they moved in together. Everything felt natural, as if what was once a stray puzzle piece had finally clicked into place. They became inseparable. 

Minho insisted on taking Jisung out for dates everyday to “make up” for his lost memories, unaware of the fact that there weren’t any. They had their first kiss at the park they frequently took their morning walks in. Both erupted in giggles as they held each other close, the starry sky painted up above illuminating their love long forgotten. It took three years before Minho brought him back to the same place where he nervously knelt in front of him on one knee - a ring clasped between his hands. Tears ran down Jisung’s cheeks, but this time it was from happiness. Congratulations soon flooded their way from everyone they knew, glad to finally see the lovers decided to tie their fates together.

His lips that Jisung longed for years, now placed kisses on him effortlessly. His eyes that once looked only at her now look at him. _ I love you’s _ sang in the apartment they shared, cuddles filled the empty space between them with warmth and affection. Finally, Jisung was happy his love reached him.

But each day he walked on the same thin tightrope wavering beneath his feet. Jisung feared that one day Minho would realize their romance was just a fabrication of truth. Every kiss and embrace he cherished felt bittersweet, and every I love you felt like a lie.

Piece by piece, Minho’s memories returned on its own. He started talking about vague snippets of his childhood and of distant cousins and relatives. On the surface, Jisung rejoiced when Minho remembered their memories together - the real ones - and somewhere in his heart he felt a smidge of hope that Minho would love him still despite everything. However, inside his dark thoughts, Jisung was swallowed by fear; the tightrope snapping away thread by thread as the weight of his guilt grew stronger. Still, Jisung wished Minho would never mention her name. 

▪️ ▪️ ▪️ ▫️ ▫️ ▫️

Loud banging and desperate cries snap him back into the present. 

In a frantic escape, Jisung had ran inside the comfort of their shared bedroom, immediately locking the door between them. His emotions exploded into a cacophony of distress, letting his sobs echo deafening inside their bedroom; desperation and panic piercing a hole through Jisung’s book of lies. 

He can hear Minho slam his fists on the locked door as he repeatedly yells his fiancee’s name in vain. It takes all of Jisung to hold himself still, urging his body not to follow his heart nor let himself be embraced by the man he loves. Slowly, he staggers into a corner where he lets himself go, tears once again flowing freely down his cheeks.

“Jisung! Open the door!”

Minho continues to yell Jisung’s name though his voice growing weaker and hoarse as time went. Jisung hears a soft thud on the other side, as if Minho had lost all of his strength and let his body slump onto the floor. The pages of his book now in pieces, no longer able to tell the truth from the lies. 

He stares at the door separating the two of them. 

"...I love you..."

Jisung felt a blush paint across his face upon hearing Minho whisper his confession of love. They were sat on the sofa, flipping through albums from their university years - thinking of who to invite for their wedding. They wanted a small and humble event, only close friends and family can come. They laughed as they joked about wearing matching wedding gowns with long dramatic trails made of glittering laces, however, they quickly ended the conversation when they both realized they’d rather wear it in the intimacy of their bedroom instead. 

Giggles bounced between the two of them, both excited about planning even the minute details. It was going to be a special day for them and Jisung felt his heart warm up as he looked at his soon to be husband in the eye, muttering another shy confession of his love, Minho just chuckled, then answered him with the same fondness in his voice.

With a content sigh, Jisung thought that all the lies he had cultivated had been worthwhile. Yet just as he began to ease into his comfort, a loose polaroid picture dropped from in between the photobook’s pages and fell onto Minho’s lap. 

“Seoyun.” Minho said, an unreadable expression plastered on his face.

“Huh, I thought I’d already thrown all the pictures we had together...I guess one survived.”

Minho remembered her. 

Jisung stared in shock. He felt the tightrope snap beneath him. Her name rolled casually from his lover’s tongue; Jisung knew his breath was stuttering. His fingertips turned cold and his face grew pale. For five years, he was Minho’s love, her name aggressively crossed out from the memories. Everyday, Jisung convinced himself that some day his lies would turn into truths, and that each kiss made Minho fall madly in love with him more than he ever was with her.

But deep inside, Jisung knew it was all pretend. The guilt inside him growing stronger the more Minho regained his memories. No matter how much Jisung had rewritten the past, he knew Minho only loved him because _ she _was gone. The kisses he received from Minho felt like broken glass cutting through his lips, and the cuddles he drowns in had suffocated him with each breath. Lies being written effortlessly as Jisung so desperately made himself fit inside Minho’s hollow heart. Everyday Jisung prayed for Minho to love him truly, but he knew that his love was false right from the start. 

“I love you. Jisung, I love you...please...”

Minho whispers his pleas in despair. The lies had already distorted his world and Jisung is convinced that Minho’s love for him is as well. The silence became deafening as his sobs travel across the thin walls. Jisung mutters a pained confession.

“I love you, Minho...”

With no hesitation, Minho replied.

“I love you too.”

But Minho’s voice was weak, and so was his. Jisung could no longer trust the lies that he had written himself as he sank deeper into agony. With one last bated breath, Jisung resigns, closing his tired eyes.

“I’m sorry I loved you.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! 
> 
> twitter: [@leenyaow](https://twitter.com/leenyaow)


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